This is a funny email that made the rounds lately. It is an account from the police of an old lady who fights off some would be car thieves with a gun.
Old Lady Fights off car thieves
12
Dec
09
This is One Tough Old Lady
09
Dec
09
Woods Family Christmas Card
Some photoshop guru’s put this christmas card picture together of Tiger and his lovely wife.
It has definitely made its rounds on the email circuit
09
Dec
09
Tiger Woods Top 10 Jokes
One: > Tiger Woods is so rich that he owns lots of expensive cars. Now he has a > hole in one.
Two: > What’s the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a > ball 400 yards.
Three: > Tiger Woods wasn’t seriously injured in the crash, but he’s still below > par.
Four: > What were Tiger Woods and his wife doing out at 2.30 in the morning? > They went clubbing.
Five: > Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree. He couldn’t decide > between a wood and an iron.
Six: > Perhaps Tiger should be using a driver?
Seven: > This is the first time Tiger’s ever failed to drive 300 yards
Eight: > Apparently, Tiger admitted this crash was the closest shave he’s ever > had. So Gillette has dropped his contract.
Nine: > After a wayward drive, Tiger Woods found water before nestling behind a > tree.
Ten: > Apparently, the only person who can beat Tiger Woods with a golf club is > his wife.
04
Dec
09
The Blonde and her Password
During a recent password audit, it was found that a blond was using the following password:
MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofy
When asked why such a big password, she said that it had to be at least 8 characters long.
13
Nov
09
I feel a stiff wind
13
Nov
09
Dad is Dumb
A mother and father took their 6 year old son to a nude beach. As the boy walked along the beach, he noticed that some of the ladies had breasts bigger than his mother’s, and asked her why. She told her son, “The bigger they are … the dumber the person is.”
The boy, pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean but returns to tell his mother that many of the men have larger members than his dad. His mother replied, “The bigger they are … the dumber the person is.”
Again satisfied with his answer, the boy returns to the ocean to play. Shortly after, the boy returned again.
He promptly told his mother, “Daddy is talking to the dumbest girl on the beach and the longer he talks, the dumber he gets.”
Finally a Barbie I can relate to!
At long last, here are some NEW Barbie dolls to coincide with her and OUR aging gracefully. These are a bit more realistic…
1. Bifocals Barbie. Comes with her own set of blended-lens fashion frames in six wild colors (half-frames too!), neck chain and large-print editions of Vogue and Martha Stewart Living.
2. Hot Flash Barbie. Press Barbie’s bellybutton and watch her face turn beet red while tiny drops of perspiration appear on her forehead. Comes with hand-
held fan and tiny tissues.
2. Hot Flash Barbie. Press Barbie’s bellybutton and watch her face turn beet red while tiny drops of perspiration appear on her forehead. Comes with hand-
held fan and tiny tissues.
3. Facial Hair Barbie. As Barbie’s hormone levels shift, see her whiskers grow. Available with teensy tweezers and magnifying mirror.
4. Flabby Arms Barbie. Hide Barbie’s droopy triceps with these new, roomier-sleeved gowns. Good news on the tummy front, too-muumuus with tummy-support panels are included.
5. Bunion Barbie. Years of disco dancing in stiletto heels have definitely taken their toll on Barbie’s dainty arched feet. Soothe her sores with the pumice stone and plasters, then slip on soft terry mules.
6. No-More-Wrinkles Barbie. Erase those pesky crow’s-feet and lip lines with a tube of Skin Sparkle-
Spackle, from Barbie’s own line of exclusive age-blasting cosmetics.
7. Soccer Mom Barbie. All that experience as a cheerleader is really paying off as Barbie
dusts off her old high school megaphone to root for Babs and Ken, Jr. Comes with minivan in robin-egg blue or white and cooler filled with doughnut holes and fruit punch.
8. Mid-life Crisis Barbie. It’s time to ditch Ken. Barbie needs a change, and Alonzo her personal trainer) is just what the doctor ordered, along with Prozac. They’re hopping in her new red Miata and heading for the Napa
Valley to open a B&B. Includes a real tape of “Breaking Up Is Hard to Do.”
9. Divorced Barbie. Sells for $199.99. Comes with Ken’s house, Ken’s car, and Ken’s boat.10. Recovery Barbie. Too many parties have finally caught up with the ultimate party girl. Now she does Twelve Steps instead of dance steps. Clean and sober, she’s going to meetings religiously. Comes with a little copy of The Big Book and a six-pack of Diet Coke.
11. Post-Menopausal Barbie. This Barbie wets her pants when she sneezes, forgets where she puts things, and cries lot. She is sick and tired of Ken sitting on the couch watching the tube, clicking through the channels. Comes with Depends and Kleenex. As a bonus this year, the book “Getting In Touch with Your Inner Self” is included.
How to say ‘I love you’ in 25 languages…
English
I Love You
Spanish
Te Amo
French
Je T’aime
German
lch Liebe Dich
Japanese
Ai Shite Imasu
Thai
Phom rak khun
Italian
Ti amo
Chinese
Wo Ai Ni
Swedish
Jag Alskar
Alabama, Arkansas, Kansas, Oklahoma, Texas, North Carolina, South Carolina, Georgia, Tennessee, Missouri, Mississippi, Louisiana, Virginia, West Virginia, Kentucky, parts of Florida
Nice Ass , Get in the truck.
13
Nov
09
Terry Tate Office Linebacker
An oldy but a goody. Terry Tate as the office linebacker. Terry Take is the office police officer ensuring productivity remains high in the office. Put together for Rebok.
